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I am still a huge believer of only dating people you can see yourself marrying, but I am also a victim of the Harris-ian mentality gone wrong.

Joshua Harris’s books are a great framework, but they are not the Bible.

The fact of the matter is — our peers are getting married later and later because of economic hardships and prolonged educational opportunities.

This is increasing the chance that you will not marry your junior high sweetheart. Don’t expect yourself to marry the first person you fall in love with.

Finding the “one” does not make you a better person, getting married in a certain time window does not make you more of an adult, and marrying the first person you love does not make you holier than others.

The one is a God who loves you more than any human on this earth ever could and finding the right person is really about being a really kick ass person on your own.

For example, there are clear things in statements in Scripture about our sexuality being expressed within the covenant of marriage.

But that doesn’t mean that dating is somehow wrong or a certain way of dating is the only way to do things.

He’s heard from people who felt his writing taught them to be ashamed of their bodies and to feel guilty for having any sexual desires. One woman reached out and said the book was used against her like a weapon. HARRIS: I think I’m finally at a place where I’m really trying to listen to those voices.

Way to make people scared to ever look at anyone in public ever again! Can we pause and remember that, in his book, he includes a story in which a boyfriend stops by his girlfriend’s home to pick her up, and sends her back into her house to change her clothes because he finds them too sexy? I didn’t dream that story, and yes, again, it was framed positively. Yes, MARTIN: As you have gone back through the book, where have you changed your mind?

He also wrote that masturbation was sin, period, even in marriage, because sexual pleasure was always and only ever meant to be mutual, between spouses. And it scared the shit out of me and thousands of other evangelical girls. HARRIS: Honestly, I haven’t engaged that process of reading through the whole book and saying, this is what I think about all these different areas. But I think one of the things that I’m changing in my own thinking is I just think people – myself included – it’s so easy to latch on to a formula. You’ll be safe and you’ll be protected and you’ll be whatever. I don’t think that’s the way the life of faith works.

J e z r e e l F a i t h M a n u g u e November Pinterest Writing I Kissed Dating Goodbye A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance Can t wait to read The Art of Performance Pinterest Romance and Kiss.

Upon moving and living in so many different homes post college, I’ve whittled down my book collection to a few favorites.

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